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The Soggy-Bottomed Empire

Mandy Baldwin

Aaand…. the flouncing of the rejected EUSSR carries on. Four weeks since we closed the door behind us, the EU still appear to be smashing plates and trying to cut up the few clothes we left behind. We haven’t done a thing wrong – what is happening across the channel, is a giant hissy-fit. And they keep shooting themselves in the foot.

It’s not helped, perhaps, by slaps in the face such as the Swiss cancelling their membership application, saying “it’s not worth it”, and India deciding to drop their tedious, long-drawn-out negotiations with the EU in favour of a trade deal with the UK, saying that most of their trade is with Britain, and they, India, are a truly English-speaking country. The fact is, we have more amicable cultural ties with India, than we have with 2/3 of the nations of the EU.
We also have 60 trade deals under our belt already, with a network of friendly nations around the world.

The EU got the result they wanted, from the American election Merkel helped to rig, but Creepy Joe only bothered to call Boris Johnson. And Biden is already the most unpopular President in history, promising to flood Europe with more refugees thanks to more unnecessary wars and oil-dependency – something which will create explosive rage across the continent.
Even more embarrassing, in one of their (intended to be) dastardly moves against us a couple of days ago, the EU “opened its doors” to Wall Street, only for Wall Street to give them the “it’s not you, it’s me,” line.
Even the removal of their nemesis – Donald Trump – from social media, has only triggered more hatred of Big Tech, and now the EU are wide open to criticism, with the censorship the EU love, now recognised as public enemy number One..

They have thrown a very public tantrum over the fact that we will not recognise the EU as a nation, and so, will not give their representative in the UK, full diplomatic immunity and status. The twenty-seven remaining nations of the international organisation called the European Union? Yes: they are nations and must have their own embassies here. But not something which has consistently denied that it has the ambition of becoming a nation.

Our action is all very much above-board: and no doubt the R27 would be interested to know that Merkel’s Mini-me, Ursula Von Der Leyen, plans to strip them of nationhood and close down their embassies.
Our refusal to pretend that an international organisation is a nation, has led to much pouting and door slamming in Brussels, where an assortment of over-paid, unelected non-entities have burbled that “they won’t have” Britain being the only country to refuse them the recognition that every other nation in the world has given them.
They will “have” whatever we decide to dole out to them, of course – and they should remember that there are many times the UK has done what no other country would do… leaving the EU, for example.

Then there is yesterday’s scandal, in which Merkel publicly stated that she is equally friends with China and America – which definitely shows that she lacks a moral compass, and which is explained by her being sponsored by Huawei. The evidence of Merkel’s continued clinging to her Communist roots will not go down well with any nation in the EU – particularly the ex-communist nations, such as Poland and Hungary, who are already kicking down the stable door.

Against us, all the EUSSR can muster is Nicola Sturgeon, a woman who lost two referendums, exists only by holding out a begging bowl to England – and then syphoning off funds for her own use – and is so hated, that she has to criminalise criticism, even within Scottish peoples’ own homes. A woman, moreover, who is so monumentally stupid that, while she claims that “everybody is Scottish” if they live in Scotland, she plans to build entire housing estates where only Scottish Gaelic speakers can live…. you know, like Reservations, preserving the native breed while outside, she hopes to lure more exotic residents – who unfortunately for her, generally prefer to live in England and Wales. Perhaps everyone in these Reservations will have to be red haired, wear only tartan, and eat only Haggis. The SNP are certainly unhinged enough.
The most tragic thing about Nicola Sturgeon is that she doesn’t actually want an independent Scotland, she wants to join the EU – and she has failed to realise that for the EU, she is just a stick to beat the far more important English with, and the EU has no intention of allowing Scotland to join.

But the most laughable EUSSR own goal is in their attempt to control the distribution of Covid vaccines.

Like it or not, the big dick-swinging contest of this year is the distribution of vaccines, and in Europe, Britain is leading the charge: we have vaccinated 10% of our population already, while the leading contender, Spain, has only vaccinated 2.6%. Mostly, it is under 2%.

It’s not that we are wildly keen on vaccinations, or that the EU nations are not – it’s that the EU itself is trying to assume command of who has them and how they are organised, and where they come from. If they believe their own publicity on the subject of Covid, then they are sentencing people to death on a bureaucratic whim.
They tried to limit supplies to the UK, and then found that we had made our own, and that, moreover, we were supplying it to EU nations, in particular, Hungary. In fact, once our vaccine has done the rounds here, it will be shipped all over the world. In response, some pouty German talking heads were produced to claim that our vaccine only has an 8% efficacy rate and these talking heads will no doubt soon be attending socially distanced court hearings for slander.

Once again, the EUSSR has shown itself to be, not a group which contributes to the common good of the world, but a tin-pot, tottering, wannabe empire – a relic, debated by frightened men in an office in Berlin in 1942, and which has, as its central pillar, only the ability to appeal to snobs. If the EUSSR can’t unite in one venture for an ideal of vaccination, what can they unite in? And what purpose do they serve – other than enriching and empowering the unelected criminals who infest those ugly Brussels towers?

But I don’t believe that the nations of the EU will proudly storm out of the EU. The Poles, and the Hungarians, perhaps, and the French, and maybe the Greeks and Italians. But I think the rest of eastern Europe, having never known independence, wouldn’t know what to do with itself, and many of the western countries – notably the Dutch – are so preserved in their 1970s vision of a western Europe holding hands and singing “Ding Dang Dong” that they won’t throw in the towel.

I am convinced that the EU won’t be around in the next decade – but what I imagine happening, is the UK watching from across the channel, while the EU rots down, almost invisibly, like an old damp paper bag.

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Mandy Baldwin
Mandy Baldwin

I'm a novelist who has always lived by the sea, and would have stayed that way if I hadn't got side-tracked into politics due to campaigning for Brexit. Being made jobless and homeless for over a year as a result of backing what Remainers called the "wrong side" taught me two things: (a) it's possible to live on peanut butter and (b) 2016 was the start of a revolution.

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