When it comes down to it, the future of the civilised and industrial world relies on the fantastic energy resource that is oil. Why even Greta’s latest “prize” of one million euros is provided by the Gulbenkian foundation of historical black gold antecedents.

One might query why Ms Thunberg, a young, poorly educated women who whines constantly about the dire effects of fossil fuel and suggests that it has destroyed her future, might be so keen to pocket the proceeds of Calouste Gulbenkin’s life work which, among many entrepreneurial activities, help set up Royal Dutch Shell and develop the Persian oil fields.

But we must not be uncharitable. Greta has many good causes on which to splash her new cash and we must hope, for instance, that better “green” transport can be arranged for any future transatlantic pilgrimages.  Playboy playboats and rackety plastic catamarans are all very well but can look less than holy when all the additional crew airfares are taken into account.

And of course we must note that it rarely profits to inquire too deeply about bequests and grants from the past. Behind every great fortune lies a great crime, it is said. How true Greta and her family might note, but at least they can find a good home for the tainted tender and finally benefit all of humanity, as is their ordained wont.

But it is a shame that taking oil money was not in fashion last year when a group of prancing mimes led by Sir Mark Rylance, Dame Emma “Airmiles” Thompson and Maxime “don’t mention Israel” Peake persuaded the Royal Shakespeare Company to refuse money from BP that had been used to subsidise junior theatre tickets. Not to worry, the successful millionaires said they would launch their own crowd funded scheme to replace BP. One year later the sum raised was a miserable £3,000 with significant contributions inexplicably failing to materialise from the original promoters of the scheme.

One might even spot a wider trend here with many wealthy celebrities frequently saying that they would like to pay more tax without any evidence presented that they have made extra contributions to the public purse. It would appear to be sufficient that the virtue points are safely banked to widespread acclaim as they move onto their next highly publicised charitable good deed.

And why should they contribute following the recent discovery in the garden of No10 Downing Street of a rare plant long thought not to exist called Lignum Corbynista pretium venenatis, commonly known as the magic grandpa money tree. Let joy be unconfined, free money for everyone following the discovery of a virus that mainly kills very old already ill people and has an overall fatality rate not much higher than seasonal flu.

What great new crystal balls our scientists have discovered that predict millions of deaths unless we spend billions in the medical sector, building more infrastructure for the inefficient NHS, employing more public sector staff, chasing drug cures and, of course, rewarding scientists. And how they have learnt from the climate fellows who now count their subsidies in the £££ trillions having pedalled all manner of nonsensical 6C climate warming cojones for the last 30 years.

Why the magic money tree has even shaken down £1.57bn for the tedious theatricals so they can continue to produce unwatchable, hard left, woke agitprop. Quite why you dear reader should pay a single penny to keep these dismal shows on the road is a mystery. If mummers like Rylance, Thompson and Peake want to continue producing their stuff, let them solicit donations from those who care. They could make a start by writing a letter of apology to BP.

One day soon the magic money tree will disappear into thin air leaving nothing but an unpayable debt for our children to handle and large numbers of people desperate for another free meal ticket. Pity the self-proclaimed virtuous like Polly Toynbee of the loss-making Guardian who had high hopes that the furlough scheme would lead to a free national wage. But pity most of all the climate maniacs who had the astonishing idea that they could rid the world of Gulbenkian’s cursed devil milk and run the whole show with windmills and solar panels.

For the last 30 years they have warned that the world is going to end in a climate fireball using made up models that they use to give a laughable scientific gloss to their own flawed and biased opinions. Meanwhile in the real world there has been gentle, natural, almost entirely beneficial warming of about 1C over 200 years while the climate models continue to spew out false and ever more improbable forecasts.

Writing recently in the Spectator, the retired pathology professor Dr John Lee noted an often overlooked point that Covid modelling is not science, “for the simple reason that a prediction made by a scientist (using a model or not) is just opinion”. Furthermore, the advice of Sage (or any other committee of scientists) “is the least reliable form of evidence there is”. He could, of course, be talking about the “settled” climate science based on false models and the “opinion” of the UN’s “hand over the cash or the planet gets it” IPCC reports.

Already, after a short Covid hiatus, the massive green lobby is massing its forces for what is likely to be a desperate future fight for diminishing public resources. The useful idiots at the BBC are busy re-writing polar bears will go extinct stories, while the state-subsidised Met Office pumps out ever more outlandish single event climate scares.

All because a bunch of crazed zealots decided to turn the clock back on Gulbenkian human progress and prosperity and not profit from oil – all except St Greta of course.

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