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“Train stations across the UK are set to be radically redesigned in a bid to cut the number of suicides, according to plans being drafted by Network Rail.”

Really? Don’t we need to make them more accessible first? Wouldn’t that be a better use of investment?

“Tube-style platform-edge doors, new lighting, seating that faces away from the tracks and additional barriers will form part of a new blueprint to reduce the number of people taking their lives at stations.”

That’s not going to add much to the already-extortionate fares then…

“Other proposals being looked at include infra-red beams to alert station staff to people near the end of the platform, flashing stud floor lighting and painted crosshatching to discourage those considering taking their own life from waiting in isolated parts of the station.”

Nor is that. But wait! Can we make everyone else’s journey even more miserable as well?

Reader, we can!

“Waiting rooms or toilets halfway along platforms would also go under guidance requiring clear sight lines for railway staff along the entire length of the station.”

Fantastic! That won’t cause outrage, will it?

“The blueprint, to be published in April, will initially be advisory but could become mandatory if changes to stations are not made.”

Well, of course! Got to do something to prevent train companies from bowing to the wishes of the people who pay to use the station more than once!

“Mr Stevens said limited changes would be made to existing stations – either because they were listed buildings or because of the amount of people using them – but that new build stations would see more radical redesigns.”

Is that where the extortionate fares go, on building new stations? There must be millions of them!


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