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NEW TOURISM CAMPAIGN FOR NEW YORK CITY

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NEW TOURISM CAMPAIGN FOR NEW YORK CITY

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By Tony Morrison

Anyone thinking of where to go for the summer hols now need to look no further than New York City.  A huge new campaign has just started that promises all kind of fun for tourists this summer.  New Yorkers are going wild about this new initiative, or to give it its full name, The Bill de Blasio For President Campaign.

NEW TOURISM CAMPAIGN FOR NEW YORK CITY

I must admit I am tempted as I am concerned about my current summer vacation plans.  I was thinking of going to the UK, but the US State Department has issued a travel warning for US citizens going to the UK this holiday season.  This is because “terrorist groups continue plotting possible attacks in the UK.”  The terrorist groups and their aims are unnamed so it’s kind of alarming for folks like me.  We don’t know who these folks could be, but my money is on Millwall fans unhappy about their crap season.  And I don’t want to be on the other end of anyone coming the old “no-one likes us, we don’t care.”

So I’m looking at the most exciting city in the world now it’s going to step it up a notch.  What is amazing to all of us NYC enthusiasts is that it is all due to just one man, and the one guy you would least expect to lead the charge.  Bill de Blasio became Mayor of New York City in 2013 in a freak vote, and since then has distinguished himself mostly by being a big ol’ lazybutt.  This has to a certain extent been good for the City as all expected many bad things from this product of the Far Left Marxian dank swampy outreaches of the Democratic party. Thankfully, for large stretches of his mayoral, it’s been as if he’s not even there at City Hall.

Most of his days have been spent driving in an SUV convoy from Manhattan to his old gym in Brooklyn to work out.

NEW TOURISM CAMPAIGN FOR NEW YORK CITY

The New York Times pointed out that this took several hours, Bill did not exactly work up a sweat when he was there and seemed more interested in the post-workout frappuchino.  Which left not much time for actually running a City with a population of 9 million.

Major problems are beginning to emerge, of course, but as most impact only the poor that seems OK to Bill, who like all socialists only cares about the virtue-signalling wealthy.  The housing authority, for example, is now partially run by the Feds as de Blasio couldn’t be bothered to fix a lead paint issue that affects 400,000 low-income residents.  Homelessness has exploded. The number of homeless children in the City (115,000 or 1 in 10) is now bigger than the population of Albany, the New York State capital.  The subway is a complete and utter mess, although to be fair this disaster is shared with the Democrat State government which owns the MTA that operates the subway.

And then there’s his total ignoring of basic finance as seen with the money that the City puts up ostensibly to deal with social problems.  First, there was the Renewal program which spent $773 Million on keeping failing schools opens so the teachers union would be rewarded for votes, until even Bill had to shut it down.  An even bigger waste of money was for Bill’s wife, Charlane’s ThriveNYC, what the New York Post called “a mental health-related something-or-other created four-plus years ago to give a little heft to the conceit that Bill and Charlane were elected as co-mayors.”

NEW TOURISM CAMPAIGN FOR NEW YORK CITY

So far the City has spent $900 Million on this and no-one seems to know exactly what the money has been spent on.

Occasionally de Blasio did pop up here and there.  There was the problem early on with the police who despised him for his take on policing in tough areas.  And of course, there was that time when he killed Chuck, the City’s weather-forecasting groundhog. 

NEW TOURISM CAMPAIGN FOR NEW YORK CITY

His war on animals had begun earlier with the popular horse-drawn carriages in Central Park. He wanted to turn over the stables to some campaign contributors for development.  Professional Irishman, Liam Neeson, saved the day for the horses, and the cab drivers, all of whom seem to be of Irish descent. 

NEW TOURISM CAMPAIGN FOR NEW YORK CITY

Neeson called De Blasio and said “I have a very particular set of skills, and I will look for you and find you” if the stables got the wrecking ball.  They didn’t. Other campaign contributors have been more fortunate, and there has been a noticeable pattern with contributions leading to City favours.

But that was then, this is now.  In the last year, De Blasio has surprisingly turned into a whirlwind of activity.  And it’s all due to the Democrat-sponsored “Green New Deal.”  This is a policy statement outlining how we are all going to die in 12 years due to fossil fuels unless we all became poor by embracing socialism.  It was introduced last year by millenial influencer (and NYC Congresswoman) Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and professional pol, Senator Ed Markey, 46 years in office and yet so negligible are his achievements no-one knows who he is.  Awaking from his slumbers Bill was immediately all-in.  Here was the modern equivalent of the Lincoln Douglas Debates that was going to drive him to the Presidency.

The first step was naturally to establish he was more socialist and green than anyone else.  Big government plans require work so Bill’s socialism has been muted over the years of course.  But he can point to a couple of initiatives such as pushing for a $15 minimum wage for New Yorkers. The wage was put up by the State Government two years ago.  An immediate unintended consequence was the closure of many restaurants, including the bar where fellow socialist AOC had spent her formative years. 

Anxious to catch up, Bill embarked on a series of green initiatives, each one crazier than the last.  The proposed stringent regulations preventing glass and steel skyscrapers from ever being built again and the re-doing of all NYC buildings to be “energy-efficient” was a good opener.

NEW TOURISM CAMPAIGN FOR NEW YORK CITY

Followed by the ban on all processed meats, including hot dogs, from being delivered by all City services.  This follows up the first shot in his war against meat with the Meatless Mondays for all schoolchildren in the public schools.

NEW TOURISM CAMPAIGN FOR NEW YORK CITY

Apparently, skyscrapers are built by rich people (sorry, do something bad to the environment) and eating meat is as bad as using electricity these days to the greenies, something to do with cows producing greenhouse gases.  Attacking New York icons like skyscrapers and hot dogs is not a good look for the locals, but necessary collateral damage for Bill to go national.

Time has not been kind to Bill.  The Green New Deal has of course turned into a laughfest, so mental were its claims.  No Democrat voted for the resolution in the Senate.  Many candidates for the Presidency started out saying they were Green New Dealers, but Joe Biden is now leading the way by saying he is not, as he wants to get elected, and is now ahead in the clown convoy polls by 30 points.  Even AOC has recently tried to walk back some of her nonsense by claiming that critics (all America) were too stupid to understand that her GND comments were “dry humor” and “sarcasm.”  But too late for Bill as he has to go to the dance with the one who brung him.

New Yorkers have responded to all this as you might have expected they would.  With great outpourings of delight, happiness and laughter.

NEW TOURISM CAMPAIGN FOR NEW YORK CITY

It’s so hard to get the usually cranky and contentious New Yorkers in a good mood, and even harder to unite them around anything.  But the Jolly Green Giant has done the seemingly impossible.  The joyous mood is infectious in the City, while New Yorkers can also indulge their bad side by getting their Bill hate on.

76% of New Yorkers don’t want de Blasio to run according to a recent poll (the other 24% want him to run to get him out of the City).

All businesses are gearing up to accommodate the massive influx of tourists seeking such a fun destination.  The tourist sales carts and tat shops are laying in all kinds of Bill merchandise for the summer.  T-shirts emblazoned with “Bill de Blasio For President (Get The Asshole Out Of New York)” and baseball caps with “Make America Suck Again” look like big sellers. Hot dog stands will be advertising “Eat Them While You Can.”  Hotels will be advertising “Sleep Like Bill In Our Comfy Beds,” and restaurants will be going for a “De Blasio All The Meat You Can Eat” special (although it will cost $150 in order to cover the new minimum wage).

And the new tourism supremo is planning many wonderful “Pop-Up” events.  The first was last Monday when Bill held a Green New Deal rally in the belly of the beast at Trump Tower. 

NEW TOURISM CAMPAIGN FOR NEW YORK CITY

The fun got underway immediately with Trump Tower minions trolling like their boss and turning up the music to ear-shattering levels with Sinatra singing “I’ve got you under my skin.”  Bill had to compete with more than just the music.  As he launched into “Orange Man Bad; Green Man Good,” he did it against a background of New Yorkers going up and down the iconic escalators behind him with hastily-scribbled signs like “Worst Mayor Ever” and “LGBT for Trump.”  And then they all started chanting “You Suck!”  It doesn’t get much better than this.

First class entertainment and it’s all free on the streets of New York.

It won’t always be like this, so get your airline tickets.  Bill’s campaign won’t last beyond the summer.  And in only a year or so another one of his green initiatives will see you charged a congestion tax of $11 for driving in Manhattan cabs or your own car ($25 if you are in a truck).  The extra delivery fees will see yet more restaurants closing to join those already closed by further ratcheting of the minimum wage.

But for now enjoy; it’s Bill’s city, it’s summer in the city and we’re going to dance all night, despite the heat it’ll be all right.

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