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By Tony Morrison
The US Democratic Party, in concert with its slavish minions in much of the media and indeed parts of the Government, has spent the last two years desperately trying to overthrow a democratically elected President. Now the race is on for the Dems to get back to democracy and find a candidate for the 2020 Presidential election that appeals to deplorables and non deplorables alike.
The Party that derided the Republican “clown car” of 22 candidates in the 2016 election is now busy assembling a massive clown convoy of electric (natch) vehicles to accommodate the 228 people that have to date virtue-signalled their intention to run. Expect more to announce in the next few weeks while desperately searching for maps to locate Wisconsin!
Now, among the ranks are of course some folks who are in it only for the publicity. Football Coach Robby Wells is about the only guy in this country who has ever sued his employer for sacking him for being white. A bemused Savannah State College administration seemed more concerned with his 7-15 win-loss record over two seasons.
And then there is Elizabeth Warren.
A senator of little legislative achievement, apart from naming a Post Office in Boston and getting the US Mint to issue commemorative baseball coins, her only real claim to fame is that she is the first Native American woman elected to the US Congress. But even here she is so unknown that two women elected in 2018 were uniformly declared to be the first Native American women elected to Congress, totally overlooking the fact that Pocahontas arrived in 2012.
Among the more serious candidates are some riding the trendy wave in the Party to be anything but old and white. Here comes Jamaican-American Wayne Messam, mayor of a medium-sized town in Florida.
He owns a construction company so we can see where he got the idea that he is qualified to be President. So far he has positioned himself with policies that are so far out on the left fringe that even Nicolas Maduro would say “Hey, you might want to dial that down a notch.”
The comic relief in this category includes Cory “Spartacus” Booker, who threw his galea into the ring in February this year.
Senator Booker is a bumptious buffoon most celebrated for making up an imaginary friend. Said friend, “T-Bone,” is a drug dealer who can be called upon in his speeches to illustrate either violence or redemption depending on the situation. Hopefully, T-Bone will whisper in his ear to leave the race quickly before the inevitable humiliation happens!
Meanwhile, fellow senator Kamala Harris has already outflanked the doughty rebel warrior.
Although she shares with Booker a complete absence of any political principles, beyond what appears on Twitter to be trending among the urban elites. She is already ahead in the diversity stakes as she is not just African-American, she is also part Indian (that’s India the country, oh ye who take offence easily) and a woman to boot. Trifecta!
These days, though, being black just ain’t all that with the Dems. They have no Obama this year (Michelle has declared she is not running) and Hispanics are now the go-to voting bloc they crave. After all, African-Americans vote D across the board no matter what.
Proud Hispanic, Julian Castro, an official in the last administration, wants to become a front-runner and so he was first out of the box among all the candidates to call for the impeachment of Trump.
Unfortunately, in a spectacular display of bad timing unworthy of a wanna-be Presidente, this was the day after the Mueller report was actually published, exonerating the President from the made-up Democrat charges of Russian collusion. You might think Castro has an unfortunate last name, but the Dems just love Cuba now they all only want to play on the left wing, so this will be a major plus.
Along for the ride with Castro is that weird woke fellow Robert “Beto” Francis O’Rourke, the first ever Hispanic Irish candidate; and the last judging by his performance so far.
And anyway the Dems have already turned towards a much younger version of Beto, small-town mayor, Pete Buttigiegigieg. (note to Ed: check spelling, note to self: check pronunciation)
There are some surprising names that are missing from the gaggle of big floppy feet red-noses. Michael Avenatti, a self-professed prestigious lawyer, was declared the front-runner by the equally prestigious cable news outlets CNN and MSNBC in 2018 after he announced his intention to run. But pundits have now declared that the creepy porn lawyer is no longer running due to the fact he is facing 300 years in prison for stealing settlements from his clients, some disabled, to fund an extravagant lifestyle. Of course, crimes have not fazed the Dems in the past. Ted Kennedy killed a woman and very nearly got the nomination in 1980. The truth is more likely that Avenatti has a private jet. Although currently confiscated by the Federal Plod, the Dems can’t have that when their wacky leadership say its’ fumes will be responsible for the death of the planet.
Finally, there is the usual bunch of old white males stomping around with their entitled patriarchy. The crankiest is Mike Gravel, an ex-senator.
No more messing with the Vice Presidency, like that last well-known politician from Alaska, Mike is going for the big one and at the age of 88 this will surely be his last chance?
Slightly younger, both a mere 77, are “Sleepy” Joe Biden and “Crazy” Bernie Sanders. Joe has not yet announced his nomination but he says he will. He is your average professional pol distinguished only by an unfortunate groping problem. But Bernie is something else again. He is not even a Democrat, but a “Democratic Socialist,” i.e. one who believes that heavy government control, poverty and despair should be voted in by the people. Strangely, he has been overtaken in his socialist zeal by much of the party since he nearly won the nomination in 2016. But the affection remains.
So who will win? At this point, it is like the F.A. Cup in August, where potentially any of a multitude can win, but we all know it will come down to a select few from the Premier. The latest Emerson poll of Democratic voters, however, did not reveal any upsets and the voters were shocked, shocked to find that the select few seemed to be known already. Step forward the old white guys! The leaders by a wide margin are Bernie with 29% and Joe with 24%.
Yeah, the Dems may pretend to get a thrill up their leg with any mention of not being white or male, but freed from the iron grasp of the despised Hillary, deep down they just want the old cosy liberal white patriarchy back.